Monday, December 27, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
I'm Learning
I graduated from college last week! The entire experience was strange, yet so amazing. I have busted my ass the past three years, but it was well worth it. Three weeks from now, I will be sitting in graduate classes! I can't wait to make that fresh start. I'm going to miss so many things about UNCG, small things. Just when I'm leaving, it started feeling like home. I know that I'm where I should be, so I'm sure I'll find new small things to love at UNCC.
The past few months have been time for healing. This summer caused a lot of pain and I have to say it was probably one of the hardest times in my life so far (compared to other lives though, hardly anything to complain about). I figured out that I am one of the fortunate people that skips right over the sad phase of grieving (for anyone that knows me, I'm sure it is shocking that I went straight into a phase of anger). I hate feeling sad. I hate missing something or someone. Perfect moments for me are when I'm surrounded by the people that I don't want to miss. Naturally, I missed, so I got angry instead of sad. I miss my Granny Ellen. I miss taking Pablo to see her. I miss discovering that I have so much more in common with her than I knew. She had the biggest heart and sometimes the biggest hearts are those most taken advantage of. I hope she knows how much I love her and how much all of those absolutely hilarious moments meant to me.
Strangely enough, I think trust comes easier for me now. The experience of betrayal opened my eyes. I was settling, big time. I was comfortable. No regrets, but it's amazing how I lost vision of what I wanted. God knows what he's doing and I understand now. That bump in the road was only to show me what path I didn't want to take. I feel nothing but contentment.
Can I just say I forgot what butterflies feel like? Oh how I have missed flirting. Spark spark.
I cannot believe Christmas is this week! More food. Great. I've eaten two containers of Peppermint Ice Cream already this week. It is so worth it.
Our church's Love Feast was last week. Once again, the choir gave me chills. I look forward to that service every year. I didn't get my sweet roll and coffee this year because my family narrated the cantata. I was rather disappointed because that is the only time all year I'll drink coffee with sugar in it. God is so good. I love and I am loved, which means I am so blessed. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
The past few months have been time for healing. This summer caused a lot of pain and I have to say it was probably one of the hardest times in my life so far (compared to other lives though, hardly anything to complain about). I figured out that I am one of the fortunate people that skips right over the sad phase of grieving (for anyone that knows me, I'm sure it is shocking that I went straight into a phase of anger). I hate feeling sad. I hate missing something or someone. Perfect moments for me are when I'm surrounded by the people that I don't want to miss. Naturally, I missed, so I got angry instead of sad. I miss my Granny Ellen. I miss taking Pablo to see her. I miss discovering that I have so much more in common with her than I knew. She had the biggest heart and sometimes the biggest hearts are those most taken advantage of. I hope she knows how much I love her and how much all of those absolutely hilarious moments meant to me.
Strangely enough, I think trust comes easier for me now. The experience of betrayal opened my eyes. I was settling, big time. I was comfortable. No regrets, but it's amazing how I lost vision of what I wanted. God knows what he's doing and I understand now. That bump in the road was only to show me what path I didn't want to take. I feel nothing but contentment.
Can I just say I forgot what butterflies feel like? Oh how I have missed flirting. Spark spark.
I cannot believe Christmas is this week! More food. Great. I've eaten two containers of Peppermint Ice Cream already this week. It is so worth it.
Our church's Love Feast was last week. Once again, the choir gave me chills. I look forward to that service every year. I didn't get my sweet roll and coffee this year because my family narrated the cantata. I was rather disappointed because that is the only time all year I'll drink coffee with sugar in it. God is so good. I love and I am loved, which means I am so blessed. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Changes
This summer was tough. I lost my grandmother after finally getting to know who she was. I thank God I did get to spend two years with her, building a relationship that may not have existed if she'd never had Parkinson's Disease. It's amazing how I lived eighteen years without seeing her as her true self...but once she had that freedom, I saw just how many characteristics and mannerisms we shared. I will treasure so many moments we had as a family, finally seeing who she could be without being under the influence of another person. I will especially treasure the moments where we all laughed until we cried...nothing will ever replace that feeling. God knew I needed that and gave us just enough time to let me know that I am truly Ellen's granddaughter.
I also lost a friend. God planned for this relationship to end, but I never expected the path that was taken. I learned something from this experience... that I was the stronger one. I answered the questions. I felt the intentional stabs. I accepted the shock of being betrayed. I didn't run away and I didn't hide. I didn't throw false accusations and I didn't cut with words. Actions spoke much louder than anything I could have said or explained. I am stronger because I know that I was there when I was needed even if the favor was not returned.
I graduate in less than seven weeks and I am so excited! I received admission to my first choice for graduate school and I know that God will lead me through the rest of my education towards a job that will improve lives. I am so glad I listened to the pull I felt towards UNCG because it has been the most amazing experience. On to UNCC for more economics! (...I realize how this sounds) I hope that my family realizes how important they have been in every step along the way.
God has repaired other aspects of my life and I am so thankful. The changes I anticipated were not the changes I experienced, but the unpredictability is what makes life exciting for me. These past few months have revealed just how amazing my family is and how amazing my true friends are... which I knew all along, it's just nice to be reminded that those people will always be there no matter what happens.
“The great thing is, if one can, to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions in one's 'own' or 'real' life. The truth is, of course, that what one regards as interruptions are precisely one's life.” -C.S. Lewis
I also lost a friend. God planned for this relationship to end, but I never expected the path that was taken. I learned something from this experience... that I was the stronger one. I answered the questions. I felt the intentional stabs. I accepted the shock of being betrayed. I didn't run away and I didn't hide. I didn't throw false accusations and I didn't cut with words. Actions spoke much louder than anything I could have said or explained. I am stronger because I know that I was there when I was needed even if the favor was not returned.
I graduate in less than seven weeks and I am so excited! I received admission to my first choice for graduate school and I know that God will lead me through the rest of my education towards a job that will improve lives. I am so glad I listened to the pull I felt towards UNCG because it has been the most amazing experience. On to UNCC for more economics! (...I realize how this sounds) I hope that my family realizes how important they have been in every step along the way.
God has repaired other aspects of my life and I am so thankful. The changes I anticipated were not the changes I experienced, but the unpredictability is what makes life exciting for me. These past few months have revealed just how amazing my family is and how amazing my true friends are... which I knew all along, it's just nice to be reminded that those people will always be there no matter what happens.
“The great thing is, if one can, to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions in one's 'own' or 'real' life. The truth is, of course, that what one regards as interruptions are precisely one's life.” -C.S. Lewis
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